Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
