Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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