I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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