Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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