My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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