its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
