So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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