so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
