I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
