There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize