I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
