How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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