and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
