Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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