So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
