Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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