You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
