Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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