I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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