Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
