Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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