she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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