i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
vagina is talking i cant
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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