If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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