On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
