Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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