how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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