I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
