just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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