I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
