i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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