meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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