I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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