i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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