dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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