New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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