Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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