wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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