My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
