I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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