Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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