i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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