If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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