you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
