so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
