So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
sex in a hospital.. check
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
