So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Enjoy the penises
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
