I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
