the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
