I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
