My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
