So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize