So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
