it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
