She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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