Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
