I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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