I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
