let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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