I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
