I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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