I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
