my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
