it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
