I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just tell him i said nine months
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
