Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
