The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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