so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
