True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
