i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
