I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
