please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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