remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
