DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
