i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
